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Zombies Ate My Muslim by Ted Mahsun (2011)

Short story review: Zombies Ate My Muslim by Ted Mahsun (Amazon Kindle, 2011)

All he wants is to have a simple life.

And that simple life he wants to spend with his celebrity girlfriend, Barbra Streisand. But unbeknownst to him, his darling Barbra has become a Muslim… which isn’t a bad thing. Except for the rampaging zombie horde outside his front door who only want to eat Muslims.

Between the Muslim-hungry zombies and the Google Robots that want to steal his Brussels Sprouts, can he save the woman he loves before she gets eaten? Will things ever be simple for him?

WARNING! Parental Advisory: This short story contains content not suitable for minors.

Ah yes, it does say “short story”. Fancy that. It’s only 128 locations, for those of a Kindle persuasion, which mean that after having read a delightfully quirky description, thinking “what the …?! LOL!” at the title, read a raving review saying it was HILARIOUS, I was thinking “this I have got to read!” Paid £0.77 ($0.99 I think) for it, downloaded it, opened, and went “wait, I thought this was a novel … it’s only 128 locations! *sadface*”

So yeah. If it had been every bit as fantastically awesome as the review I read made it sound, I probably would’ve said “okay it’s short, but y’know, still worth it”. HEY YOU CAN NEVER GUESS WHAT!!

I didn’t think it was fantastically awesome. It’s about the narrator having a sexy girlfriend (Barbra Streisand) that he enjoys screwing – insert some crude descriptions of how he wishes to explore parts of her anatomy with a part of his – and how she went and decided to become Muslim. No reason. He finds this out when there are zombies at the door, because in this world, there are Muslim-chasing zombies.

Man and Streisand get attacked by Muslim-chasing zombies while there are robots that like to dig up the man’s brussel sprouts. Basically, the description, but in a lot more words. The bizarre concept sounded a lot funnier than it actually was. I appreciated the screwball alternative world thing, where an attempt at national security spawned zombies, but the short story itself is a bit … well, only absurd for the sake of being absurd.

Even if the title is eyecatching and the premise funny, it just falls short. If you have a particular fondness of zombies, there’s a bit of gore for you. If you’re not particularly a zombie fan, you’re probably wondering if Barbra Streisand’s people should be notified of her name being used “in vain” so to speak. Did like the “so disappointed” comments, it was very suitable and fitted the otherwise chatty tone.

Didn’t work for me and it was too short.

1.9 out of 5 Googlebots.


An easily distracted Swedish introvert residing in Robin Hood Country (Nottingham, UK) with a husband and two cats. She's an eager participant in tabletop and play-by-post roleplaying, woodworking, photography and European travel, when there's not a plague on.

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