I decided to have a look through my old files, as I knew I had put together some silly Wheel of Time-related things years and years ago. It was last updated in 2005, but probably pre-dates that. So, to celebrate the release of the final book, and counting down to it, let’s have a Randland giggle.
A whole bunch of reasons why being an Aes Sedai in real life would rock
“How come you aren’t giving over all your creative energies to wotmania! I’m shocked!”
– Mike Mackert, founder of wotmania (which apparently closed down in 2009 – I’m great at keeping up …)
- No one cuts in front of you in the line at the supermarket. Light, you don’t even have to go grocery-shopping!
- You’ll never have to sweat again! Hooray!
- People treat you with respect because you scare the shits out of ’em, and you’re not even armed!
- You get to twist the truth in that special way.
- You get to say things like “The Wheel weaves as the Wheel wills” and “No one knows how the Wheel turns”.
- At least one free bodyguard. If you want one.
- Gorgeous free golden serpent ring + shawl with fringes in a colour of your choice.
- No one wants to argue with you.
- Agelessness. Imagine how much you would save on those anti-wrinkle creams that don’t work anyway.
- Balefire. Puts the “ex” back in ex girl/boyfriend. Or your girl/boyfriend’s ex.
- Compulsion. This list is the best one you’ve ever read, by the way. *channelling innocently*
- People obey you even if they’d rather you were dead.
- Mirror of Mists. Adds a whole new dimension to makeovers, dusnit? 😉
- You live a lot longer than anyone else. Even longer than the Japanese!
- Ever seen an Aes Sedai with sales coupons?
- You’re environmentally friendly, because you don’t need a car! I mean, why drive when you can Skim or even Travel?
- Men tend not to act like jerks when they’re hanging upside down 10 feet above the ground.
- No more career confusion. You’re Aes Sedai. That’s your job and your life. End of discussion.
- People kind of look up to you even though you’re neither armed nor famous!
- Free food and lodging in the White Tower.
- You can wear whatever you want whenever you want, and no one can tell you it’s “wrong”.
- You can be a bitch and get away with it.
- You can do whatever you want without anyone stopping you.
- Nothing can move you. At least not move you enough for you to actually show it.
- Bullies are too scared to pick on you when you’re 30 feet tall.
- Your only enemies are Shadowspawn and Whitecloaks, and they don’t exist in real life!!
- The truth you tell might not be the truth other people hear.
- People won’t talk when you’ve got more than one husband.
- People won’t talk when you refuse to get married.
- You can Heal anything except death.
- Being a know-it-all isn’t a bad thing.
- You get to hunt down men just so that you can gentle them!! …Erm, wrong list? 😉
- Your boss is all-powerful. Or nearly, anyway.
- The only people you ever have to answer to is the Hall of the Tower.
- You know when and if your significant other has cheated on you, but s/he won’t know if you’ve cheated on him/her!
- Horses don’t get speeding tickets.
- Tar Valon is the most beautiful city in the known world.
- Osama bin Ladin would have be dead before the end of September 2001.
- I would like to see the terrorist who’d dare crashing an airplane into the White Tower. Even the Whitecloaks aren’t that stupid.
- Criminality would really go down, even in the U.S… 😛
- You don’t have to clean your room/house. You’ve got servants for that.
- Tar Valon gold is one of the strongest currency and has been so for Ages.
- You can go wherever you want, whenever you want, because nothing can stop you.
- Your biggest concern is Tarmon Gai’don.
- You’re above everyone else. You know it, they know it, yet no one calls you a snob.
- No more fear to be out on the town walking at night – Saidar kinda rocks as a self-defence tool…
- No one tells you what to do – and not do.
- People expect they have to do more than just what you ask of them.
- You get to sniff a lot! 🙂
- YOU CAN CHANNEL THE ONE POWER!!!
